Top 10 Funniest Things That Ever Happened on My Dairy

I milk cows near Dumas and I sell milk products overseas, which means I have stories at every dock. These are my ten tall tales, told as they happened.

1. The Form With Seventeen Signatures

   An export certificate needed seventeen signatures, and by the end I had collected one from a county judge, a vet and, somehow, a very patient steer.

2. The Translator and the Word for Heifer

   A visiting buyer's translator got stuck on the word heifer, and a ten minute meeting turned into an afternoon of pantomime on my Dumas dairy.

3. The Wind That Took the Pallet Wrap

   A Panhandle gust carried a roll of pallet wrap across forty acres and wrapped a stock tank, a mailbox and my neighbor's dog.

4. The Cow on the Weigh Scale

   A Jersey wandered onto the truck scale at my dairy and was weighed, logged and certified before anyone noticed she was not a milk tanker.

5. The Pallet That Went to the Wrong Dock

   One pallet of whey powder went to the wrong dock and spent a weekend at a farm supply store, where it was displayed beside the birdseed.

6. The Inspector's Dog and the Cheddar

   At a port, a sniffing dog fell in love with a pallet of my cheddar and refused to leave, and the whole dock went on a very long coffee break.

7. The Exchange Rate Chalkboard

   I put a chalkboard in the break room to track exchange rates, and my crew started betting on the numbers with peanuts, until the board got a name.

8. The Trade Mission Cowboy Hat

   I wore my good cowboy hat to a trade show overseas, and by the end of the week it had been tried on by half the people in the building.

9. The Label Proofreader

   A label printer misspelled the word cheddar on three thousand packages, and the shipment became a collector's item on both sides of the ocean.

10. The Forklift Parade

    When a new dock opened, my crew held a parade of seven forklifts down the loading road, with streamers and a very sincere brass band of one trumpet.