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Tall tale 10 of 10

The Forklift Parade

When a new dock opened, my crew held a parade of seven forklifts down the loading road, with streamers and a very sincere brass band of one trumpet.

Funny farm story image from farm.FM: Hug Your Children, Love Your God
Farm satire and farm music at farm.FM: “Hug Your Children, Love Your God”.

When we finished a new loading dock at the plant, I wanted to mark it. The crew had worked long hours in the cold, and I had a hundred dollars set aside for a celebration. I told them to take the afternoon and do something fun. I assumed they would eat sandwiches. They had a better idea.

At two o'clock I heard a trumpet. Out of the shop came a line of seven forklifts, each one decorated with paper streamers and a little flag. They rolled slowly across the lot in perfect single file. In front walked a man named Tomas playing a trumpet, not very well, but with immense feeling. The tune was a mix of three different songs, and I think one of them was a polka.

The parade went all the way down the loading road to the new dock, where the lead driver stopped, climbed down, and cut a ribbon made of toilet paper. The others honked. A tanker driver passing on the highway slowed down and honked back. Several cows came to the fence and watched. I have been to some official ceremonies in my life, and this was the one I remember.

I made a speech, which was brief. I thanked everyone and said that anyone who could drive seven forklifts in a line could probably run the country. Tomas played a closing note, which cracked. Everybody cheered anyway. We ate cake from the grocery store. The cake said Congratulations on it, which was a mistake, since the order was for another business.

We run the parade now on every anniversary of the dock. Some years there are eight forklifts. I checked the safety rules, of course, and I read the OSHA forklift guidance before the second year. Everything was in order, and the streamers had to come off at the dock. I posted a picture on farm.FM, and the song, mostly a polka, is still played at our Christmas party.

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